Are you using positive or negative language?
Positive language motivates rather than discourages. Positive language can be used in all aspects of our lives as a parent, spouse, employer, or leader.
Below are scenarios of a parent trying to communicate with their child about a chore that needs to get done, but with two very different approaches. One is full of negative language and sounds like a command, while the other one communicates a message in a positive way.
1- “If you don’t clean your room, you won’t get to play with your friend.”
2-“You are welcome to play with your friend, when your room is clean.”
The way we interact with our children matters. Often times without realizing it, the delivery of a parent’s message can result in a child’s bad attitude. Ultimately the parent wants the child to listen and comply with a good attitude, yet the parent may not understand that the delivery of their message can set the tone for the child’s attitude. It just takes some simple changes to deliver the same message in a more positive way that builds relationships, rather than hindering them.
Young children (around ages 2-3 yrs old) tend to get “stuck” on the negative words. They focus on what the parent just stated they couldn’t do or couldn’t have. Though the parent had good intentions to tell the child how to get what they wanted, the delivery of the message just confused the child and added anxiety.
Here’s a quick tip:
Whenever you hear yourself stating, “If you don’t…, then you won’t….” Quickly change your words to what the child would want to hear first. “You are welcome to…, when…”
More Examples:
1-Negative: “No! Don’t do that!”
2-Positive: “Ahh, ahh, ahh. All done.”
1-Negative: “Don’t run!”
2-Positive: “Use walking feet.”
1-Negative: “Don’t hit your brother!”
2-Positive: “Ahh, ahh. Hands to self.”
1-Negative: “If you don’t do your homework, you can’t ______________!” (something the child would want to do)
2-Positive: “When your homework is complete you are welcome to _____________.” (list whatever the child is motivated by)
1-Negative: “If you don’t eat your dinner, you won’t get to go outside and play.”
2-Postivie: “You are welcome to go outside and play, when you’ve finished your dinner.”
For more information and helpful tips, visit ohmyglory.com
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